“And I just hope, next year, when this writing turns one, I will still be under the same roof, under the same sky, staring at the moon, talking to the stars in the bright night, recalling how my 2018 went, and what it brought, along with the deafening yet comforting sounds of trumpets and firecrackers. I hope, the next time I’ll make this year-end piece on December31, 2018, I’ll still be with those people whom I have written this one for, in December 31, 2017.”
Shuffling my playlist for the second time, I found myself absorbed by the consoling and mellow “sign of the times”, without the usually deafening yet comforting explosion of time bombs. Just when I’m about to switch it up into an adrenaline-boosting music, the language and the melody of such masterpiece woke me up, hit me like a dagger, as I wander, and wonder: 2018, what did you do?
Remembering everything that was, I cannot trace back the quick transition of time, the seasons, the people. Did the clock hurry and came by like a lightning, or was it me? Did I focus a little too much on one end of the line, that I missed to look at the opposite side of it? Did Mr. Moon and Mr. Sun wanted to replace each other so bad, that they switched places in rapid motions? Or maybe, I just enjoyed staying awake at night a little too much, that I overlooked the beauty of broad daylight. Did my books feel really comfortable with me, settling themselves before my senses every time? Or maybe, I have just forgotten that I have life beyond the margin of the academe. Did I spend so much time getting ready for my future, to the extent that the future took all of my present time? Did the world change? Have humanity transformed? Was time a silent killer? Was the universe unusually quiet? Or maybe, I was just busy thinking about my future, that I almost forgot how to live today.
I was having doubts whether to have this year-end note or not, since I cannot feel something that lingers within me, or a feeling, where I can draw inspiration from. I cannot feel the holiday season, and it’s so sad that I have lost that kind of emotion like a print in the sand wiped out by the waves. The sound of the trumpets seem ordinary. The busy state of the town appear typical. Few hours before 2019, but all I have is emptiness, something deemed usual. Maybe this is what they call, the sign of the times. That as we continue growing up and growing old, we lose that beautiful sensation that nothing beats the holiday season. Is this normal? Is this the new trend? Because if it is, I don’t want it.
2018, you are really something. This has been the saddest in recent years. I don’t know why or how everything seemed to be hollow. All I know is, I have learned lessons the hard way, and I am still so much grateful.
This time, last year, I vowed that I will be better after 365 years. That time has come, and I have fulfilled that promise, I guess. Now, I want to leave my baggage behind – the negativities, the doubts, the pain, disappointments, and sadness. I want 2019, and the following years to be the best years of my life. Starting tomorrow, I will choose happiness. I will choose to be a better person. I will choose to go on adventures, both new and old, with better perspectives. Because starting tomorrow, I will always, always, keep in mind that day by day, I am strengthened by faith, and that, God will never forsake me.
Not just this year, but this life, is for the Lord, for my family, and to everyone who matters.
This time, next year, I am confident that with God my side, everything will eventually fall into place. No more emptiness, just wonderful emotions, wonderful times, and wonderful people.
This 2019, let’s start resisting gravity, rebelling time.
Let’s defy the sign of the times.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!